Staying Grounded on Your Wedding Day
Tips from a Licensed Therapist & Professional Wedding Officiant
It’s totally normal to want your wedding day to go smoothly. I can imagine you have concerns as getting dozens of people together in one room and making everyone happy is…impossible.
First it’s important to acknowledge that some things will be out of your control. And in fact, on the actual day, the best advice I can give you is unlock your inner Elsa and practice letting go.
But I know it isn’t quite that easy. So here are some tips to protect your peace and have fun at your own wedding.
Proactively address your fears or concerns before your wedding day.
Grab a journal and jot down your main woes however big or small they seem.
Examples:
I’m feeling overwhelmed with the planning.
I’m stressin’ that I won’t be able to remain present and enjoy myself.
I’m afraid my guests are gonna make it about themselves.
I know my mom…and she’s gonna drive me nuts.
I just want everything to go smoothly.
Then process each using this technique:
Be compassionate towards yourself.
Ex. It’s totally ok to be overwhelmed. My wedding day is a big deal!
Explore things you could do in order to work through that emotion.
Ex. Are there tasks I can delegate?
Release it.
Ex. I give myself permission to do things I enjoy while in the planning process. This doesn’t have to be a full-time job.
Let a few trusted people know you need their support on the day.
Your wedding planner, day-of coordinator and photographer. They all need to know if there are…how shall I say it…challenging personalities on your guest list. Your planner can help navigate this. It’s their job. I have coordinated a handful of weddings and have had my fair share of uncles, stepmoms, dads, moms, and even bridesmaids who have been a doozy. I was grateful to know ahead of time what to expect to best support the couple.
Ask your planner to build in a little alone time with you and your new husband/wife, even if it’s just 10 minutes. I promise no one will panic that you two have ditched your own party.
Your officiant. A lot of people say, “I don’t even remember the ceremony.” Hire someone who emphasizes grounding and can help you remain present during the ceremony. Here’s an example of a grounding exercise I incorporate at the beginning my ceremonies:
*SAMPLE SCRIPT* Wedding ceremonies offer a space of reflection on the past and gratitude for the present while setting intentions for the future. Your wedding will forever be a cherished memory so let’s take it slow. We have nowhere else to be but right here. I invite you to be keenly aware of this moment, the way our feet feel upon the ground, the breeze upon our faces and the warmth of the sun on our skin. (Improvise with your surroundings). Take a deep breath (breathe with them), and let us begin…
A bestie. This person has a calming energy. They can sense when you’re stressing and can remind you to take a deep breath. Let them know your fears ahead of time so they can help you stay present.
Ex. I know your mom is stressin’ you out. I’ll keep her at bay. You try to ignore it and remember this is about you and your fiance…not her.
Your partner! Create a game plan with them. You two are a team and this whole day is about y’all. While you wanna share time with friends and family, make sure you’re checking in with each other throughout the day.
Build in a grounding exercise before the ceremony.
While you’re in the bridal or groom’s suite, take a moment to pause. This is usually where people gather right before the ceremony. Ask everyone to quiet down. There’s often a lot of hype, a lot of champagne, and loud music. Take 5-10 minutes to drink a glass of water, recognize how you’re feeling in your body and release any tension. You may want a friend to lead a prayer or meditation so you’re not in charge of this.
Come up with a kind of mission statement for your day.
This is gonna be your go-to, I’m kind of panicking, grounding tool.
Example: We deserve to have a joyous celebration of our love for one another. I will let go of the things I cannot control. I will be flexible if things don’t go perfectly. Today is about me and my partner.
While saying this in your head, take slow deep breaths.
Why do you keep telling me to breathe? Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system which decreases the heart rate and dilates blood vessels, reducing your overall blood pressure. As your breathing becomes slower, your brain associates it with a state of relaxation.
Oh. And this is gonna sound silly but these basics influence anxiety so make sure you (1) drink water, (2) go to the bathroom, and (3) eat snacks.
I hope this was helpful. For more tips and tools, follow me on Instagram @happilyeverasheville.
