The Foundation of a Successful Marriage
Photographer: Sean Szitas Venue: Highland Brewing Planner: Smash Events Planning DJ: Carolina DJ Pros
Build Love Maps
The Gottmans, who are two of the leading experts on marriage, have discovered through decades of research that healthy marriages are formed on the foundation of friendship. This might sound like a no-brainer or even trite. “Of course you want to marry your best friend”, you think. But what does it really mean to be someone’s friend?
Start by examining how well you know your partner. Their hurts, histories, goals and dreams. Their fondest childhood memories. The painful experiences that have shaped their world view.
Everyone has a desire to be deeply seen and understood. Even if your partner hasn’t experienced the same things, they know who you are as a human and want to nurture and support you.
Loves maps can be broken down into different categories to gain more in depth knowledge of particular areas such as romance, sexual, even financial. To dip your toes into this exercise here are some generalized questions to ask each other:
What is one of my favorite experiences we have shared together.
Name one of my hobbies.
Name my two closest friends.
Where was I born?
What stresses am I facing right now?
When is my birthday?
Who is my favorite relative alive or passed?
What is my fondest unrealized dream?
What is my guilty pleasure?
What is one of my greatest fears or disaster scenarios?
What is my favorite time of the day for sex?
What makes me feel most competent and/or confident?
What turns me on sexually?
What is my favorite meal/food?
What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
What personal improvements do I want to make in my life?
These are sample questions to get you thinking about love maps. Friendship is generally a strength for many couples in the beginning. Don’t take it for granted.
Here’s a secret: you will never know everything about your partner. If you think you do, think again. Allow each other space to express individuality, support each other’s growth and continue to be curious about each other’s inner worlds. This is how you expand your love maps.
This is how you maintain a strong foundation for a successful marriage when the stressors of life inevitably come your way.
Wanna learn more about the Happily Ever Premarital Coaching Program?
For a self-guided start, I highly recommend reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. Gottman.
